Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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