I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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