Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i think i just lost a toe
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
