and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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