we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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