He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This baby is an asshole
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
