birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
cat food counts as protein by the way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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