everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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