I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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