I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
