dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
