jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
