I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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