I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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