I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
