so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
