My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
