turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
