sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
