There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
