am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
