her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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