You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
