my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
