I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ttyl tear gas
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
