I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
