you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
