A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
