i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
