Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He has the fingertips of a God
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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