Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
