$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
