I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
