When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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