Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
