I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
