I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
