Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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