a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
