i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
