I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
