i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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