It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
