I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
