Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
