Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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