Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
