Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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