you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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