what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
