I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
